She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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