I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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