God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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