i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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