shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
