I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Welp...herpes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
