Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
