I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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