Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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