I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
