Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
