Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
