If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
