Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
