god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
