she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
