dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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