Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
