I am spending my child support on dildos
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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