I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
