only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
