My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize