420 ftw
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
