yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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