We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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