I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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