Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
