you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
