Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bring money and cleavage
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
