so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
