who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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