I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
