I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
