He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
