Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
