worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We're too hungover to prance.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
