just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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