woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
