I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
