I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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