i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
