Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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