That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
