garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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