I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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