he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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