i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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