he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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