smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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