We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
