I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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