is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
