don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
