your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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