my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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