My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
