It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
