I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
