half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
