i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
