I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
