to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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