He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
