I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
