Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
