Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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