On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
