No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
