well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is the high leading the old right now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
